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A due death

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6 months ago
Growing up, I grew up with no father. He wished to have more than one woman, but my mother didn't like it, so she took me away.
Since then, I had no purpose in life, no meaning: My family was shattered by lust.

I didn't give up on it, I still saught to make something good, for something good. I did lots of kind deeds, made lots of smart notes, I learned to be strong. I became everything my father wasn't, and more.

But even now, I live in a world that had nothing planned for me.



There was a choice for me to make: Either I call myself insane and I get everything I ever wanted: a job, a house, or I deny the false statement and take the blame and fault for my misfortune. It isn't the first time I faced death, and now, it should be clear what I am going to do: Face death again. For what are the riches worth if I sell my soul away for them? Even if I got the job and the house, I'd still live my life as a liar, loved by no one, until even that which I had will be taken away from me. I choose to face the fact that I am sane and there is no place in the world for me, none that I know of.

If I live, there is room in the world for imperfection. But whether that is a good note or not, I don't know. And neither will I judge. I'm not going to ask for good luck.

Tomorrow, I face the truth, and my family promised to kick me out of the house if I turn out to be sane. I can't expect to be safe, so, goodbye.
This death was only due.
+0 / -0
There will be better times that you don't want to miss.
You should probably call 988 or 211 on your phone if you want to talk to somebody.
+4 / -0


6 months ago
Death threats against yourself are still death threats. It's not cool or appropriate for a video game forum.

Suicide is not "kind", it's not smart, and certainly isn't what strong people do.

If you've got the opportunity for a job and a house: take it. Yes the world is imperfect and it sucks, but throwing away opportunities to make your life better isn't "selling your soul", it's letting fresh food rot. It's wasteful. If you feel like that would mean selling out, there are countless ways to make the world better -- but that's not really the issue.

You need professional help. Possibly medication. At the very least ensuring you have a good diet, exercise, sunshine, water and sleep.

Feel free to reach out to me via discord -- I am not a professional, and neither is anyone else on the moderator team either. It's bad enough dealing with troublemakers and trolls constantly, and this in a way is even worse. But the real lie here (aside from the cake) is that you're "loved by no one" or that people don't care. Get that garbage out of your head.

(and keep the death threats out of public forums as well, if you'd be so kind)
+0 / -0

6 months ago
Have a look around - is there nobody you trust with the truth? It doesn't have to be a close friend, just someone you feel comfortable talking to. You might have backed yourself into a corner with the walls crashing inwards, but the world is so much bigger than that. Sometimes you have to start anew, find a new place, build a new home. It will be hard, but you're not starting from nothing. You've learnt to be strong and to look after yourself. In the right place, people will see that and appreciate you for who you are. The world is big and it doesn't judge, don't trap yourself in the only corner you know.
+0 / -0

6 months ago
Hey, you don't know me, but I am someone that has been in similar spaces as you. Similar places within my head space. I am not here to judge, nor to tell you to feel worse about things that you already do, if you want to talk to me on discord my handle is beeholddr.beesphb

I know your likely at a point your feeling extremely alone. If you want, I am someone you can come talk to.

I don't promise answers for everything, some things I am still trying to figure out for myself, but I can state that I get it.

Reach out and talk to someone, if you want, I will talk to you, I often help people find help, and I am willing to try to do the same for you.

+0 / -0

6 months ago
My death is delayed because my family didn't arrive to appointment on time.
+0 / -0

6 months ago
To track days until my inevitable death, I decided to do something funny.
I'm going to post psychiatric facts about psychiatry until I get psychiatry counceling. Every day. Don't upvote the posts, they're just here to track my days of life.
+0 / -0

6 months ago

Day 1:


quote:
Today, outpatient teams come to a person’s home to ensure compliance with an order to take medication, which can be for “life,” the leaders of the user groups said.

“That’s the problem,” Terjesen said. “Once they have documented that you have to use the medication, it is very, very difficult to come off that order. If you say you don’t want it, you can complain to a commission, but most lose there.”

Added Per Overrein, a leader with a user group called Aurora: “I have never heard of a patient winning” at a hearing.

- How bad things got in Norway, when psychiatrists "know better than patients."

quote:
This was a study of younger patients experiencing a first episode of psychosis, and often such episodes may clear up on their own with time. There were 141 patients in the early-treatment group, and at the end of 10 years, here were their collective outcomes:

12 had died (9%)
28 had dropped out and were lost to treatment (20%)
70 were still in the study and had not recovered (50%)
31 were still in the study and had recovered (22%)

In other words, once the outcomes for the patients who died or were lost to treatment were added to the findings, nearly 80% hadn’t fared well (if being lost to treatment is seen as a poor outcome.) This outcome stands in sharp contrast to longer-term outcomes with Open Dialogue therapy in northern Finland, where at the end of five years 80% are working or back in school, asymptomatic, and off antipsychotics.

- "psychiatry medication is good for you!" - TIPS Study test, the best pro-psychiatry proof, as quoted above.

Source: https://www.madinamerica.com/2017/03/the-door-to-a-revolution-in-psychiatry-cracks-open/
+0 / -0

6 months ago

Day 2


quote:
Siem: We don’t need a pill to make our feet smaller. Just need different shoes.

Nardi: Exactly. But here’s the beauty of it. Let’s say you ordered those shoes, they took forever to arrive, and they’re just fabulous. You don’t want to return them. You say, “I’m going to wear them for the party. I looked too good in them. I want to use them.” What do you do is you take a pill to suppress the pain or you have a few shots of tequila. This is desirable impairment. I don’t rule out the possibility of a desirable impairment to suppresses emotions, but in general, changing the shoes, is a smarter idea. The feelings you have deserve to be felt one way or another. I tell my mentees and the people I work with that if you suppress these emotions [with drugs], there’s a very good chance that not only are you inducing stagnation, but that I suspect emotion is going to come back later for you. There’s learning negative emotion. This may be what pushes you towards activity, connections, socialization, a new career.

Part of my dedication to psychiatry is the fact that my son lives in another country and I miss him terribly. I have to find a meaning to his absence. So I use all this extra time that I have to make a sense of things and try to do something meaningful. I what to be able to put my head in the pillow and when I am 80, look back and know I was not part of the problem.

- Complex philosophy too smart for psychiatry to understand, read it closely

Source: https://www.madinamerica.com/2024/05/interview-with-critical-psychiatry-network-founder-rodrigo-nardi/

quote:
Lastly, it encourages clinicians and clients alike to reflect on their experiences and mobilize to transform political and economic structures contributing to mental health challenges, further demonstrating the psy-disciplines’ role in promoting social change.


- Mental illnesses help drive social (positive) change

Source: https://www.madinamerica.com/2024/05/beyond-medical-models-philosopher-links-depression-to-the-distortions-of-global-capitalism/



Source about pharmacies spreading psychiatric misinformation on the internet: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/38592164/



More from the previous article:
quote:
“Being on Abilify was boring and gave me a feeling of hopelessness, and I didn’t want to do that. I couldn’t think on the drug. And if I am going to be in the world, I have to be smart and be a version of me that people like. People know that I am sick. I have to prove that I can make something out of the destruction, and make something big out of it.”

She had been on the medicine-free ward for several weeks, and there was no real timetable for her to leave. “I have found it better than I thought I would. It is easy to go with the flow, and not have them question you all the time, like they do in other hospitals, and with their suspicions of you, thinking you will become a killer. This is taking some time to accept, that I won’t be questioned all the time.”


Source: https://www.madinamerica.com/2017/03/the-door-to-a-revolution-in-psychiatry-cracks-open/
+0 / -0

6 months ago

Day 3


quote:
Numerous studies and the Canadian government have recognized the historical harm inflicted upon Canadian Indigenous People as a result of colonization that goes back hundreds of years. The Indian Act of 1876 prevented self-governance and free movement of Indigenous people, resulting in the loss of Indian status. It also banned cultural ceremonies, introduced school practices that separated children and families, removed children from Indigenous communities, and prohibited Indigenous languages. Child welfare and women’s rights were stripped through legal actions that aimed to move Indigenous societies from matriarchal structures, where men and women were seen as equals, to patriarchal and unbalanced systems of control.

- Psychiatry:

quote:
Indigenous practices focus on examining trauma and the spirit of violence. They use simple questions like “Where did you learn to do that?” and “Where did that come from?” to understand the root causes of these behaviors. By applying compassion and alchemy, they aim to reduce internal struggle and reclaim identity. This process can promote the discovery of forgiveness and spiritual truths.

- Support for "two-eyes seeing," aka incorporating indigenous & western practices together

Source: https://www.madinamerica.com/2024/05/unsettling-psychology-embracing-indigenous-insights-to-challenge-colonial-legacies/



"Not every psychotherapist is equally effective, so determining what makes certain therapists more effective than others is essential to improving clients’ experience of psychotherapy."
"However, to date, there is little empirical research focused on the study of the concrete clinical actions of highly effective therapists in the early stages of therapy."
"The researchers selected an expert psychotherapist from a British university counseling center based on her superior clinical outcomes compared to her colleagues rather than the reputation of other therapists, as is sometimes done in studies of expert therapists."
These were:
“Promoting clients’ sense of agency and the collaborative nature of the therapeutic process.”
“Supporting clients’ exploration of meaningful contents, balancing responsively between following clients and introducing new dimensions.”
“Creating a climate of emotional security based on empathic presence, authenticity, and positive regard.”

Psychiatry: But how does this prove that a psychiatrist is smarter than the patient?

Source: https://www.madinamerica.com/2024/05/decoding-therapeutic-success-strategies-of-an-expert-psychotherapist/



"The researchers suggest that tackling social determinants is critical to addressing the mental disorders themselves and that global spending does not align with the promise set by the SDGs."
“Globally, mental disorders account for almost 20% of disease burden, with associated annual costs projected to be US$6 trillion by 2030. Accordingly, the United Nations (UN) has put forth the ambitious goal of achieving universal mental health care coverage by 2030 as a part of the Sustainable Development Goals (SDGs). However, in 2020 … only 2% of global government health expenditure was allocated to mental health, with significantly less in low-income countries. This suggests that goals to increase access to mental health treatments alone are insufficient to reduce the burden of poor mental health globally.”
"While interventions like cash transfers and school-based social and emotional learning programs show promise, most approaches remain inadequate due to insufficient global attention on social determinants like poverty, inequality, and displacement. Their findings illustrate that without addressing the root social causes, the international mental health burden will remain significant, and the SDGs will continue to fall short."
"The authors call for a strategic overhaul in international policy to meet the SDGs by addressing these systemic issues."

Psychiatry:

Source: https://www.madinamerica.com/2024/05/uns-mental-health-goals-off-track-as-social-factors-remain-unaddressed-study-shows/
+0 / -0

6 months ago

Day 4


"The results of randomized controlled trials (RCTs) often fail to translate effectively to clinical practice due to several inherent limitations. RCTs are typically conducted over short durations with homogenous client populations that do not reflect the diversity and complexity of real-world patients."
"In addition, the manualization of therapy—a rigid protocol developed for consistency in RCTs—can be detrimental in clinical settings. This approach diverts resources from more flexible, long-term therapies that offer depth and insight, potentially worsening outcomes."
"Moreover, there is insufficient research on the long-term outcomes of routine care."
"The primary outcome was the treatment response rate, which they defined as a 50% symptom reduction."
"In sum, they found “hardly any indications that the outcomes of usual care control groups have improved over the years. In almost all analyses, we found that response rates, remission rates, and SMDs have remained stable over the years.”"
"Additionally, not only is this study important for recognizing the need for implementing and disseminating adequate interventions, but it also calls into question current diagnostic methods and research approaches for depression, leaving room to ponder alternative etiologies and consider social and cultural factors that may influence depression."
- Current psychiatric methods are ineffective for long term, lack insight, and are rigid. Reversing this statement, psychiatric methods would improve if they were long-term oriented, focused more on listening, and were more flexible.

Source: https://www.madinamerica.com/2024/05/new-study-reveals-stagnant-depression-outcomes-in-clinical-trials-over-time/



A story from a mental ward: "When the Help Becomes Part of the Problem"


"I spent my days crying — if not crying, I was thinking about how my presence in space and time was inherently burdening others. Not to mention, I was failing all my classes, and my GPA for my first semester of college was a measly .5 on the 4.0 scale. I was a failure."
"I was to be escorted to one of the hospitals surrounding the university by a young police officer."
"Carlos," - the police officer, - "picked me up from Mr. Ramirez’s office after I had confessed to being a harm to myself publicly — in front of a pair of human eyes and ears, which, to me, seemed to have been made by a deity that insisted on my degradation. I had confessed my sins aloud, and I felt better."
" Initially, I was a bit bemused. “Do all police cars not have cushions on the back seats?”"
"As he fastened himself in, I could see a smirk appearing from the right corner of his thick brownish-pink lips; he chuckled and said jokingly, “Criminals should be comforted on their way to jail now, eh?” A contorted smile appeared on my face, and we went off."
"Carlos was with me for the entire duration of the check-in. He left shortly after."
The nurse has "finally addressed me as I waited near the front of the emergency room. “She’s claiming to be suicidal. Can you take her vitals and then take her down to Crisis for an eval,” he ordered a subordinate. My vitals were taken, and everything came back okay."
"After that interaction, my backpack, electronics, cell phone, and everything else were confiscated. I only had the clothing on my body, a folder, and a book. I was then given a final moment to talk to my parents on the hospital phone before I was placed in the Crisis ward."
"The unit resembled a detention center. All ten cells that outlined the U-shaped corridor were constructed out of white-painted cinder block, plexiglass, and bolts. The beds within the rooms were fused to the floor; a thin mat served as a mattress, and paper served as bedding. As I made my way into the view of the four people in a cubicle that seemed to be a CCTV control room, I noticed at least ten monitors displaying scenes from inside patients’ cells."
"During the evaluation, a nurse with a piercing gaze approached me. She was wearing royal blue scrubs and a white silicon wedding band. She came into my unit and began to ask me questions. “So, what’s wrong? Are you sure you aren’t just having a bad day? You know, sometimes I have bad days where I feel like nothing is working out.”"
"On my short walk to the lavatory, I finally peered into the rooms of my neighbors and saw bodies that resembled corpses. They lay perfectly straight in the cinder block cells. A few hours earlier, one fellow had caused a disturbance and was subsequently put in a straitjacket. I remember him the most. During my four-day stay, there was a woman who came in accompanied by multiple police officers. While being detained, she yelled the slur, “NI****,” to the officer directly in front of her. This was before spitting at her. Thankfully, a bed in Inpatient became available that night, and I finally left Crisis."
"My stay was a prolonged one. During my first night in Crisis, I was given pills to fall asleep and pills to stabilize my mood. This continued throughout my stay. I saw a psychiatrist once every day. I knew after seeing her, it would be another 24 hours until I’d see her again. I remember our meetings being short and curt. She would enter my cell with a few papers stacked on a clipboard. Our conversations began with the typical small talk. “How are you?” “The cafeteria has fresh oranges today. Would you like any?” During those moments I felt the most human. Unfortunately, those moments were short-lived; she would swiftly and awkwardly begin inquiring about the psychotropics I had been given.

“Are you having trouble falling asleep? Is the medication working?”

She asked about when I first began having suicidal thoughts. I told her that they would sometimes flit through my head during stressful periods between the ages of eleven to sixteen. It wasn’t until COVID that they became longstanding. She ended the conversation by telling me that I could ask the staff for more sleeping medication if I needed it and that she’d see me the following day. I was not introduced to any form of counseling during my stay.

They put me in a wheelchair, although the only damaged part of me at the moment couldn’t be physically touched. I was then sent upstairs to the inpatient unit."

"I roomed with a Portuguese woman who was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. The staff believed she was going through a manic episode. I just assumed she was extra chipper despite the circumstances. From what I gathered from her limited English, she had a dog and a son. She spoke of them fondly; she provided sunshine to my days. Life seemed to rush through her veins."

"I did not take a shower during my nearly two-week stay out of fear of being sexually assaulted in the communal space. This fear became even more real after a female patient accused a male nurse who oversaw the showering space of being a Peeping Tom."`

"Later on, I met with another psychiatrist who officially gave me my label: Major Depressive Disorder. I was deeply relieved to receive a diagnosis. The thought that something, beyond myself, was interfering with my ability to bear the weight of my own existence was liberating. I could let myself off the hook for at least some of my shortcomings.

After receiving my diagnosis, I was put on Sertraline (Zoloft), which made me extremely nauseous."

"I was discharged on December 14, 2021, but remnants of myself are still lingering around the hospital. My experience saved my life, but it wasn’t the medications that did it."

"I have been to countless therapy sessions attempting to deconstruct the feelings of dehumanization into digestible morsels... ...I’ve spent many nights talking to individuals on online forums who have had worse experiences in psychiatric wards than I. Tales of individuals forcibly isolated during panic attacks, being sexually assaulted in multiple-occupancy rooms, having to be at the mercy of lengthy waitlists, and being restrained for being ‘non-compliant’ to treatment."

"A few months after first taking Lexapro I quit and was better for it. This was after battling my way through spells of fatigue during my lectures. Although I was not suicidal anymore, I could not function at a standard I was happy with due to mental fuzziness. After quitting medication and simply receiving counseling I came to enjoy life without feeling mentally barren or subdued. I was able to utilize the coping skills I had learned during therapy to sustain myself through perceived failures and inadequacies. What has helped me the most did not reside within a pill bottle. It was finding radical self-acceptance."

I apologize for sending another story about a sad tale. I know I've sent enough, and I know that some people actually read this. Still, this is useful to know for all those who never knew of a mental ward.
(Note: A lot of minor details were cut for length, such as "feelings" and anything irrelevant to the hospital stay (such as reading a book))

Source: https://www.madinamerica.com/2024/05/when-help-becomes-part-problem/


"Over the years, I have seen that many with early traumatization have different experiences of spirituality in their life—something that I feel the secular, bio-medical approach has difficulty responding to. But even social work and psychotherapy can have difficulty allowing these lived experiences. The experience is that, for the vast majority, spirituality is something that instills hope, meaning, and the strength to move on and relate to suffering."
"Half (or more) of those I meet, state in conversation that they have an inner relationship with a spirituality that they experience as helping and supporting in various ways. This despite the fact that approximately 80 percent of Swedes distance themselves from religion (Stiernstedt, 2020). The Swedes, on the other hand, answer yes to the question of whether they believe in a higher life force, and there they rank higher than other Europeans. For many Swedes, there is a difference between religion and spirituality and how it is expressed in everyday life (Stiernstedt, 2020)."
"Roxburgh & Evenden (2016) have shown that clients often do not talk about transpersonal experiences in therapy, as they are afraid of being treated as if they are crazy—a fear that is unfortunately not unfounded. Timander (2021) describes a woman who has a transpersonal experience of Love that fills her and how she was diagnosed with psychosis within Swedish psychiatry. Whitney (1998) is a doctor and has shared his spiritual crisis: “I felt a deep transformation of the meaning of everything that had happened in my life. I was receiving assurances from Heaven itself that I needed to feel ashamed no longer, that I was loved for eternity. Everything that existed was holy. Angels were everywhere, beautiful and terrifying” (p. 1547). He was hospitalized and medicated and told that this psychosis was something he would have to live with for the rest of his life, a biological abnormality."
- The problem.

"Whitney describes that his salvation was to find a private psychiatrist who gave his experience a different narrative; spiritual emergency. Evans & Read (2020) believe that the spiritual crisis contains both psychological material and spiritual experiences and is therefore a “psycho-spiritual” crisis. They believe that it often comes in two phases. First, the breakthrough where the person becomes like a stranger in society and gains access to another world; then a crisis phase where the psychological and traumatic content is processed and integrated."
- The solution.

A snippet for spiritual help, unedited:
"Marit

I am sitting with Marit, 40, who was exposed to violence and abuse within her family throughout her upbringing. After a few sessions, Marit began to tell about her contact with angels, something that came to her at a young age spontaneously. She tentatively tried first and said something short in passing, which I caught and lingered on, opening the door for her to share this story as well. She describes how when she was little she lay in bed and heard her parents screaming and fighting. In these moments of terror, she had sometimes disappeared into a Light that for her was warm and safe. In the Light there were angels and they said they were always with her, no matter what happened. She describes it as when she feels their presence, the anxiety stops and she becomes completely still inside, she gets to rest and she can feel confident. It is for her a sacred experience that has given her a contact with an inner space that is only hers. Like a light that is in her life at the same time and next to the pain. Without it, I wouldn’t have been able to live, says Marit.

This is a description I have encountered several times, where spirituality is unproblematic to incorporate into everyday life. But still important to be able to put into words, as they are often afraid of being described as crazy. A bright secret next to the dark secrets of violence and abuse."

More on the same topic:
"“In particular, it appears that some processes involved in spiritual coping might induce deep psychological changes” (p. 11). Körlin (2007), who is a psychiatrist, describes it as psychotic experiences with spiritual elements; spiritual crises can result in improved functioning and they usually have a shorter course."
"We, as therapists, do not need to take a position on a metaphysical reality or not. The important thing is that we do not medicalize transpersonal experiences as morbid, since in many cases they are actually helpers, a rescue and, for the person, an actual experience."
"In my master’s thesis in social work, I interview nine professionals in care and social care about how to best treat and help people in a crisis with transpersonal elements (Rosén, 2023). It is clear that there is no manual-based “one size fits all” approach, but that the important components are a safe relational approach, a non-medicalizing narrative such as “spiritual emergency”, stabilization of symptoms (preferably without medication), help in sorting out the psychological content, and processing past traumas and life events, while naming the spiritual as real and meaningful."

quote:
In a Mad Studies perspective, we can create a space for another narrative within the dominant secular paradigm. The Mad Studies perspective is a relatively new field that wants to take human experiences seriously and include those with lived experience in research and knowledge (Rodéhn, 2020; Beredsford, 2013). Mad Studies gives space to the life story, trauma knowledge, and the human right to define transpersonal experiences as meaningful—without them being met with skepticism and a medicalizing approach such as loneliness, psychosis and madness. Mad Studies emphasizes “the importance of a change in Western society and how we relate to people who experience deeply human, meaningful and so-called ‘unusual’ states of being” (Timander, 2019, p. 167). To make room for these experiences within a professional conversation, we will have to start with ourselves:

As a therapist, what do I bring with me into the relationship with the other?
What is my paradigm, my value base, what is my relationship to transpersonal experiences?
Can I seek guidance or training to learn more?

Carrington (2017) describes it as a mindful stance in work, where we constantly need to reflect on ourselves and how our interpretive framework affects the person we meet. In Whitney’s (1998) words; “If I had accepted the medical model of my experience, I would not have survived to tell this tale. Despair would have consumed me” (p. 1548).




quote:

Glossary


Transpersonal theory highlights that we are more than our person, that there is a spiritual/spiritual dimension in existence and man (Cunningham, 2022).

Transcendence. Corneille & Luke (2021), describe transcendence as a spiritual awakening where ego boundaries are dissolved and ordinary and everyday experience is transcended. These experiences include both an embodied sensation and a transcendence and expansion of bodily boundaries, for example merging with “God” or a universal consciousness (Winter & Granqvist, 2023).

Medicalization means that our language has become psychiatric and our everyday understanding of suffering today is given medical explanations (Burstow, 2013; Svenaeus, 2014) We are permeated by a medical culture, where science has taken over to answer questions of meaning and that existential suffering is medicalized and seen as sick . Biological psychiatry ignores the individual’s social context and difficult life events as the cause of suffering (Svenaeus, 2014).

Spiritual crisis / spiritual emergency is a concept within transpersonal psychology and is used to describe a “psycho-spiritual” crisis (Evans & Read, 2020). The term was coined by the psychiatrist Stanislav and his wife Christina Grof who, through their lived experience, created a theoretical framework and methods for dealing with these people, not as psychotic, but as experiencing extreme mental states, levels of consciousness and spiritual experiences (Grof & Grof 1989).

Mad studies as a perspective wishes to challenge the dominant discourses and ideologies that contribute to the dominant biomedical model. At the same time as wanting to expand the possibility that people’s experiences and expressions regarding mental and emotional states are different and should also be allowed to be so (LeFrancois, Menzies & Reaume, 2013). And this also includes transpersonal experiences (Tenney, 2022).


Source: https://www.madinamerica.com/2024/05/medicalization-transpersonal-experiences/



More on hell, on earth:


quote:
It was May 21st, 2019, when I woke up in a strange hotel-like room drenched in sweat, fully clothed with a winter jacket on and feeling absolutely terrible. Next to me on the nightstand were six plates of food wrapped in cellophane and above me stood a massive, muscular Nigerian man named Henry who explained to me that I was at a drug rehab in Thailand and that I had slept for 48 hours. He had kept bringing me meals for the past two days and had been very worried about my heart rate, he explained. When I was able to fully grasp the situation I was in, a feeling of overwhelming panic immediately set in. It was not a desperate need for narcotics I felt, but exclusively the fear of not having access to my Lyrica and Zyprexa, the immediate cessation of which I had come to fear more than death itself.


quote:
What I needed was metacognitive therapy and a mentor, but the cult of psychiatry was insistent that the solution to all my problems could be found in psychiatric drugs alongside made-up diseases and labels. I tried many of their useless so-called “medicines,” but in 2011 I ultimately ended up on Lyrica and Zyprexa alongside nine diagnoses. I was told that these drugs had the same dependence profile as ibuprofen (that is, none), and so I figured, “Well, it can’t hurt.”

Eight years later I had become a raging drug addict. By 2019 my daily regimen was 7 grams of cocaine, 320 mg oxycontin, 10 mg Xanax, 120 mg Elvanse, 400 mg modafinil, 5 grams of cannabis, testosterone injections, somatropin, ketamine nasal spray, psilocybin (for depression), MDMA, copious amounts of alcohol and whatever else I could get my hands on. I was working full-time as a professional stand-up comedian with my own travel show on MTV, doing five shows a week with 200 travel days a year. No one ever accused me of being high or being unruly or unprofessional until the last few months before going to rehab. This was simply the cocktail that was necessary for me to survive what Lyrica and Zyprexa did to me.

Psychiatry: Doctors gave you this medication because they evaluated the risks and figured that the benefits outweight the risks. Keep in mind that plenty of people take medications but do not experience side effects from medication.

"When I woke up at rehab that early summer day of 2019, my number one priority was to get to a psychiatrist to get my psych drugs and avoid going into withdrawal, which was constantly lurking. I had to keep the “kill switch” from kicking in. Henry took me to the best psychiatrist in Thailand who proudly and arrogantly proclaimed in his delusional aura of self-importance and wisdom that the smartest thing to do in my situation was to quit both Lyrica and Zyprexa at the same time, cold turkey. When I protested, he became more and more insistent about his brilliant cold turkey plan and explained to me that the seven valium pills he had given Henry would make it so that I wouldn’t even notice coming off the Lyrica and Zyprexa.

As with all psychiatrists I had met in my life, it was terrifying to see how detached from reality this man was as I watched him feel so superior to me based solely on his belief in the medical model. However, based on experience I knew that as long as I pandered to his ideology, I could get my way. The protocol with these people is always the same: list your diagnoses, praise the psychiatric drugs, and praise them. I ended up getting what I wanted, the Lyrica and Zyprexa; and so I could just focus on getting clean and sober from narcotics for now, keeping withdrawal symptoms from the psychiatric drugs at bay."

"I had lost all hope of coming off these psychiatric drugs years ago, and since it felt like they were slowly killing me, my rational conclusion at the time was that assisted suicide or resuming narcotics were my only two options moving forward."

"When I googled “How to come off Zyprexa,” the top search result was: “Don’t ever start!” Information is the most valuable currency in the tapering game, and when it came to Zyprexa, there was none."
- The problem

The solutions... are not described in the article. Instead, I got a link to a youtube channel:
https://www.youtube.com/@AndersSorensen
"We wanted to make a counterweight and an antidote to both the ignorance dominating the mental health system and the horror stories dominating large parts of the peer support community."
Research his youtube channel, those who have more patience than me.

A bit of personal story, but what helped me taper off drug is an advice from the legendary book called "Dark Templar Saga" from StarCraft book series. In it, it talked about protoss fanatics hooking up a girl with hardcore drugs, and the solution was to wait out the withdrawal in a company of friends. Who'd know that videogames can save lives? (Yeah, the advice has helped me when I suffered through something similar.) Mainly, I could feel safe when I was going through a panic attack, and I could let my brain and body sort the thoughts out, while others make sure I don't hurt myself.

If possible, check out this video, at the very least:

It's the only video I checked.

Source: https://www.madinamerica.com/2024/05/how-learned-safely-taper-off-psychiatric-drugs/
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6 months ago

Day 5


Something new:

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6 months ago

Day 6


I learned that there are 3 rules in US that can defend me against psychiatry, when many don't. These are:
Abuse,
Blackmail,
Misinformation,
in this order.
They are one of the few rules that are not an exception to psychiatry, if you can reason for yourself.
I'm ready for the psychiatry meeting.
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6 months ago
I'm done with the posting. There are other projects I can do, and I shared enough.
Apparently, my family gave up on sending me to the psychiatrists. Luckily, that bought me time to prepare the tools, so maybe GOD's on my side after all. I talked to them, and I'll get a date for when we talk. Then, what happens, happens.
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