I already created my artistic voices
I already able to make drawings and paintings
I have the basic conceps of creating comics
I got enough understandings of character design
I got enough inspirations for my yellow-haired girl character in her even random action stories
I understand that it's a waste to write the whole arc only for cool scenes and characters
I understand that a large story can be broken into smaller pieces first
I understand the truth that the creator enjoy less their masterpiece than their audience
I know I don't have to compare my process to their outcome
I understand that they post artworks on Instagram for job not pride
I admitted that I used to post artworks just for the popularity among artists
I already made my own art page and start over and change the goal
I find out that presenting content has separate knowledge from merely making art
I successfully rise from the ash
I can show what all I got
But I still not able to make her leave from my head
The one who came out of nowhere
Who merely travels around the wilderness without fear
Drawn in cartoon drawings that mostly only about comedy slapsticks
Presented in a said-beautiful illustrations and adorable style
But with less-girly-magical-stuff story
Attracted many professional artists and middle-grade children
...
Hilda
She appeared as the one of the greatest stories ever released back in 2018, when the society indirectly insulted me that I didn't belong to them. She torned my creative growth apart and turned me into a more daydreamer husk for a year.
I tried to keep learning to draw and write but I still feel lost everything.
I tried to my best to not think of her
I tried not to browse her account and her creators
I tried not to type "Hilda" on a search bar
I try to refrain from cartoonists on their DeviantArt gallery
I try to refrain illustrators on their Instagram page
I blacklisted Netflix from my mind
I don't want to see her again
I don't want to look at the picture of her (she's fictional character)
I don't want to hear someone talk about Hilda
I don't want to think that she exists
I went nuts
I talked about Hilda in every random community
Even I drew her every time when spectating on this game.
As if I want to be noticed just like Hilda is noticed by many professional and popular artists.
If not bringing her and her creators to the oblivion, or meet and make friends with them, at least she must be erased from my mind as if I never heard about her.
But I don't know how...
I tried to tell to people but didn't help.
They told me that it's stupid to feel defeated by a cartoon show and I just overexaggerate it since how special the story is.
