I don't think your a bad person. Keep that as a mantra while reading this. I am going to be very direct, but that's not because of malice. It is because I think you deserve feedback that's 1. honest and 2. formulated as clearly as possible to prevent misunderstandings. From this you should understand why I won't rate you with a number. Sooooooooooo,
First, where am I coming from?
I am a person whith a clinically low tolerance for frustration. And I know very well how infuriating ZK can be, especially TAW. If you believe it or not, I do empathize with you a lot.
Now, what do you remember me personally for? I am pretty sure the first thing that comes to your mind is that time where we had an argument and you reported me for being rude. And yes, I was indeed rude. I will say in all honesty though that I don't think I was more rude than you. This is not a justification for my behaviour. I am referring to that to give you a better idea how you come across to me and probably to many others as well. The thing is that ones behavioural lowpoints stick with people way harder than your positive times. If you hang out with someone for an hour, 57 minutes of good vibes can be ruined by 3 minutes of blaming or insulting, depending on how bad it is.
So, what can you do?
Find a different way to deal with your negative emotions in the zk-realm. Specifically, don't single out individual plyers to blame after a loss! Everyone of us constantly makes a lot of "mistakes" in a match. That's just really bad behaviour and severly damages your reputation. I know you can't freely decide to be angry or not. But there is a difference between "ofc noone expanding costs us the game" and "PlayerX, why did you not expand." Or "3 people in the back is two too many" vs. "wtf did you not expand Playerx???"
Other than that, get yourself a punching bag or smthng. if it helps you. My way of dealing with anger and frustration is usually to resign and do something else until the next game starts. Or to just mumble it out. The goal is just to keep it away from chat.
To pinpoint it, I would say you come across as mostly lacking respect. Things like
quote:
Best Moderator: Aquanim, he's banned me a lot but we're basically lovers |
is probably meant as a joke to calm things down, but it simply comes across as aggression and respectlessnes disguised as humor.
I do not know what you did to get banned... But probably don't do it again.
I can't say much about your gameplay and teamwork, because a.) I have not watched you enough. As in: Replays, not when we both play and I have to watch 24 people at the same time. And b.) I frankly don't care how good someone plays. The only thing that matters to me is the behaviour. You could be twice as strong as Godde or the lowest rated player ever, it would not change what I think of you.
Conclusion:
If you can accept that venting your frustration on others on a constant basis is off-putting and bad, then I have no problem with you. If you were simply not aware how you come across, then I have no problem with you. But if you are fine with it and don't see any reason to change it, then get lost. People are here to have fun, not to feel worse after playing. And noone of us is special enough to count more than others.
From writing this much, I guess it is obvious that I don't assume you are in the third category. I tried to be as blunt as possible in the hope it helps you. I have no problems believing that you are a nice guy IRL.
