i just made a phone-energy plan-marketer from india hang up.. told him id answer a question if he answered one.. then mentioned the struggles in india (where he was from) and how hard it was economically since allot of people lost there jobs.. i kept talking about how i was thinking i could do more and he said have a nice day and hung up.. but then i got thinking
maybe he didnt like me.. maybe he felt shame.. or maybe it was appreciation.. empathy? .. allotted scamming time? maybe he simply found it too hard to scam me.
idk.. but i wonder looking at the world if money is really the perfect system.. and what drives people to kill for money or prostitute.. when a bowl of rice costs very little
then i remember that life is grim and full of pain.. and people get wrecked like ships lost without lighthouses
all the rotten things in us.. humans are hell
and our willful chaos is self for-filling and desire driven
every time desire and suffering are mentioned its judgement so i guess i could stand to care less
but i don't think i can ever not care at all
i see what looks to me like evil.. in the form of desires like greed among many
i think evil is suffering ~ good is when no suffering is wanted
and im not just angry any more im shocked and sad to see whats become of everything..
when the only hope for our crazy modern world seems to be giving up all hope of people rejecting desire
so that i dont have to even think anymore because its so pointless.. not enough people are going to save the earth
or them selves
or there hearts
i shouldn't vent my emotions here.. ill go for a walk .. and learn to see that im just the same and im full of emptiness that is not 'need'